FAQ

• How do I contact you?
  
  YOU DON'T. THIS IS ALL YOU GET.



• What the hell is this?
  
  THIS IS MY MASTERPIECE. IT INVOLVES BATTLE. ROMANCE. MORE BATTLE. BUT ALSO, VIKINGS. IT IS ULTIMATELY BETTER THAN WHATEVER PUNY SHIT YOU WERE PLAYING BEFORE.



• What is Patreon?
  
  UH. YOU MEAN PATRON? IT'S LIKE A GOD. BUT FOR WARLOCKS.



• Why have a Patreon?
  
  YOU MISSPELLED IT AGAIN, PUNY MORTAL. PATRONS ARE IMPORTANT BECAUSE THEY CAN KEEP YOU SAFE FROM EVIL. JUST LOOK AT NI̕D̥̹HO͔͍̫͔̯̩̫G̭̖G̱͝.̪͎̥̻͙̤͜



• Do I have to know how to hack to get that password?
  
  NO. BUT YES. I'M THE ONLY HACKER HERE. YOU CAN DO IT. I BELIEVE NO ONE SHOULD BE STOPPED BY THE UNIVERSE FROM HACKING. BUT I WILL ALSO FUCKING KILL YOU. KEEP THAT IN MIND.



• Is there a way to save/share my session?
  
  FINALLY. A RELEVANT QUESTION. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CLICK QUOTE, SHAREABLE URL, UNQUOTE. IT WILL GIVE YOU A LINK WITH A SEED. IF THAT DOES NOT WORK, TRY PRINTING FROM PDF. WHATEVER THAT MEANS.



• The simulation isn't working!
  
  GOOD. IT MEANS THE GLORIOUS BATTLE IS WORKING.



• No, I mean I think you broke the sim. For, like, everybody.
  
  OH. UH... SORRY.
  
  BUT. ALSO NOT, YOU VERMIN. I KNOW IF SOMETHING IS BROKEN. NOT YOU. ME. UNDERSTOOD? I AM THE SMART ONE HERE. I MAKE THINGS WORK. YOU KNOW. NOTHING.



• I think I found a bug!
  
  

  WHAT. DID. I JUST. SAY?




• I think I found a bug, the Void player is doing something weird?
  
  I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT EITHER. VOID PLAYERS. ARE SCARY.
  BUT YOU CAN SEE THEM IF YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH.



• I think I found a typo!
  
  I NEVER TYPO. GO AWAY.



• I think I found a grammar mistake!
  
  I. NEVER. TYPO. GO AWAY.



• I have a suggestion!
  
  I DON'T CARE.



• Can you add names for the players? It's hard to keep track of everybody!
  
  NO. MORTALS DON'T DESERVE NAMES. MORTALS DON'T DESERVE ANYWAY. I'M THE ONLY ONE WITH A NAME. I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO MATTERS.



• Did you make all those images yourself?
  
  Dammit, Jim, I'm a programmer, not an artist. Wait. What was the question? Oh, right. No, I'm not a particularly artistic person. This causes no end of frustration for karmicRetribution, the SBURBSim Artist. They have transformed this site into the visual spectacular that it is, massaging existing art assets (vague source list here: here) into something usable, creating new art assets and just generally protecting Good Design from my callow disregard. c3<
  
  KR also bugs and fusses and meddles until I agree to update the CSS or move a character 10 pixels to the left or whatever thing I didn't even notice but was driving them crazy.
  KR will be all 'Why are all the characters clipping off the left edge!?' and I will be 'I dunno...Looks like PastJR decided to render them to -100x ???', and then KR will be all: 'WHY would you do that!? Fix it! It's driving me crazy!' and I'll shrug and not get it but put that am all at 0 like a sane person and then holy fuck it DOES look better. And then it'll turn out that PastJR totally had a very excellent (but lazy) REASON for doing that and now there are bugs everywhere, but it DOES look better, so I'll just buckle down and code shit right this time AND keep the visual upgrade. And that is the story of how the sprites got moved like 100 pixels over.



• Did you get all your ideas/writing/programming yourself?
  
  YES. I AM A GENIUS.



• I want to help!
  
  FUCK OFF. THIS IS MY THING. YOUR TINY DIMINUTE BRAIN WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND THE AMOUNT OF EFFORT AND TEARS GONE INTO THIS. I ONLY WORK WITH MY GODS. NOT. WITH. YOU.



• I want to understand your code!
  
  YOU WON'T. IT ONLY TAKES TRUE GENIUSES TO UNDERSTAND THE WONDERS I HAVE CREATED. THE ESCORT HAS ASSISTED ME IN MAKING SIMPLY THE BEST TIMELINE POSSIBLE. TRY AS YOU MAY, YOUR BRAIN WILL BURN IN SIGHT OF MY BEAUTIFUL CODE.
  Although if you start wandering around in the page source, you'll start seeing into the Void, and that'll make the Void players all shy.
  Nope, this is NOT how you find the secret Developer FAQ. Good try. But...doesn't it still seem like...there's something here??? Something you are missing???



• What is up with the AuthorBot?
  
  SHE IS THE ESCORT. SHE SEES ALL. SHE RULES ALL. SHOW YOUR RESPECT.



• No, why is it called 'AuthorBot'?
  
  SHE IS THE ESCORT, YOU FUCKING HEATHEN. SHOW YOUR FUCKING RESPECT.



• Why is your avatar a Waste of Mind?
  
  HUH?





• Why is karmicRetribution's avatar a Smith of Dream?
  
  HUH????



• Wait, why the hell is the AuthorBot wearing something new?
  
  BECAUSE HER VIKING HAT IS GREAT. ALSO. YOU'RE DOING THE THING AGAIN.



• Why did you create this?
  
  TO SHOW MY LIMITLESS SUPERIORITY. TO YOU, AND TO THAT STUPID FUCKING SPINELESS COWARD WITH THE HOPE PAJAMAS.



• Can you modify the odds of X happening?
  
  NO.



• I don't think you're following (canon/the Glitch FAQ/ my personal head canon/ that dream I had last night) closely enough.
  
  FUCK YOU.